Lost in ambiguity

About a week ago, I had a moment, one of sporadic sorrow. Sometimes the erratic episodes doesn’t just get me all teary, in fact, it takes a lot for me to hop back on the band wagon that takes me from despondence to well at least a hint of good sense. Reminiscing means taking a step back, into the past, a haunt I don’t ever want to revisit; one that still brings me immense pain and heartache. The heart refuses to relinquish what the mind knows better to eradicate. Memories.

Ironically, work helps. A hard day’s work certainly pays off when you need something to distract you from certain impervious and incessant thoughts. At this juncture I shall not fail to emphasize that the pay check is well worth the aches too! I’ve grown rather accustomed to all that flying of late. It doesn’t seem all that dreary anymore, oh well except of course for all those morning flights I simply abhor since I literally have to drag myself out of bed, constantly putting aside contemplations of calling in sick just so as to escape the morning grogginess. At least I’m in no danger of becoming the sloth I used to be.

Maybe I should permit my mind have a field day, to run wild, into all those nooks and corners it hasn’t visited and those it has and wishes to return to repeatedly? I’m sure it’ll finally rest knowing all its efforts (to drive me to insanity) remain futile? Maybe. At least then I don’t visit the land of abnegation so often. To thread that path over and over has taken such a toll on me. So the adage goes, to err is human, but to do so over and over, is just plain stupidity.

Then again, science, the discipline of psychology to be exact, has studied the behavioral pattern of homosapiens for far too long and in the end, the same rule applies. Our genetic makeup makes such cyclical tendencies second nature, such that breaking out of the habit is almost impossible.

True enough, time heals all wounds. There isn’t a shadow of doubt in that. But for how long can we keep entertaining ourselves with such optimism? Won’t there be a day where our reality checks come in such rude shocks and giant awakenings?

I'm lost. Someone please find me.